Editing the lyrics to suit a wider market

Ms Jackson by Phoenix Sargant- Edited Lyrics

"Ms. Jackson"

Woooooo!
Yeah, go like this

[CHORUS :]
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (oh)
I am for real
Never meant to leave you all alone
Please can you just go pick up the phone
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (oh)
I am for real
Never meant to leave you all alone
Please can you just go pick up the phone

[ DANCE BEAT- LASTS 15 SECONDS]
Me and you baby
Got a special thang going on
Your dad says it's puppy love
We say it's full grown
Hope that we feel this
Feel this way forever
You could plan a pretty picnic
But you can't predict the weather, Ms. Jackson

[CHORUS]

Ten times out of nine, now if I'm blind fine
The quickest muzzle throw it on my mouth and I'll decline
King meets queen, then the puppy love thing, together dream
Bout that crib with the Goodyear swing
On the oak tree, I hope we feel like this forever
Forever, forever, ever, forever, ever?


[CHORUS]

[DANCE BEAT DROPS, RAP BEGINS DURING]

I love your dad and everything, see I ain't the one who laid down

He want to mess me up he says I'm just a clown

He never got a chance to hear my side of the story we was divided

He had barbeques and cookouts

I never get invited

Despite it, I show him the utmost respect when I visit you

All you do is defend that man when I call you, yeah

[CHORUS x2]

In the above lyrics I have edited the original song into a much more catchy and mainstream song, which will appeal to a wide demographic of listeners. The first thing I did was add more choruses to the song, which allows the catchy part of the song, the "Sorry Ms Jackson" to get stuck in people's heads and make them want to come back again and again for more. After doing this I then added some dance beats into the song, one at the beginning and one near the end. This makes people want to carry on listening, especially if they are a dance and techno fan and will want to hear the dance part again and again, yet again increasing replay-ability and allowing 3 different genre's of music to converge into one. The final thing I did was to edit some of the rap and chorus lyrics to change the song from a dispute between a man and his ex-girlfriends mother to a song about a man who loves a girl but her dad keeps getting in the way. This makes it a lot more relatable, as many teenage girls may have problems with their parents not allowing them to see boys, so this will appeal to them and hopefully propel our artist into the same space as artists such as "One Direction" and "Nicki Minaj".